I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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