well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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