Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
