That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my poor anus
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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