It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
