would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
