I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
