after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This house was built for laser tag.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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