Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
