it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
