Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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