i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
worst night to have a conscience
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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