Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
