I could have mohawked her pubes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
