Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
