Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
