Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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