I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
