She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
