i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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