Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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