i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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