theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
