i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
