her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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