She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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