reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize