Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
