How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
