remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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