$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
