Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
