You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
