Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
