you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
