I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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