Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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