i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
