you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
