i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize