Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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