Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
