Please, let me fuck your mom
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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