there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
