is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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