this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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