my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
