So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
