I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
