No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
