Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
