dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
