Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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