I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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