sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
