I cannot find my penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
