Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
