We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
