I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
