i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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