My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
