I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's blow job season.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
