i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
