Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
