the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
