dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize