question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
