Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everything about him screamed your future.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
