omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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