i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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