Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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