Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
