Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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