I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So many bounce houses so little time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
