I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
