I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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