I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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