I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
