I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
