This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
