I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
