Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
