ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sext me about skeletons
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
