I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All the doctor said was why
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
