Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
