I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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