try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
