Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
