I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
