Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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