The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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