Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
