I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
