Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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