I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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