I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
