remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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