just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
