therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
