Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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