How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
