You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
