But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
