This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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