..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize