just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
