i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
