2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
