the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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